2025 – The year my world changed forever

Another year done. Another year of me writing this post on the last day of the year. Oops.

But in defence of my poor time management skills, 2025 is a hard one for me to describe. Equal parts growth and grief, the year stretched me creatively but destroyed me personally.

On one hand, I’m glad to be done with it. On the other hand, it’s also a year that I’ll never forget.

Clark, who was my entire world, passed away 

14.5 years of a life well lived. My family and I knew his time would eventually come. Hell, when the scans came back, and our vet told us he probably has around six months left to live – I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting the news on some level.

Still, it doesn’t matter how much you prepare for it physically, mentally and emotionally. When they cross the rainbow bridge, the grief hits you like a freight train. Then it continues to drag your carcass along the train tracks.

Having Clark, who was my entire world, pass away in 2025, was a defining moment for the year. It’s hard to describe how difficult it’s been trying to rewire my brain and live life without his physical presence in it. Frankly, I’m still trying to figure it out. Sometimes I’ll be doing something, remember he’s gone, and suddenly the world around me feels like a completely foreign place. A fever dream, one that I want to wake up from.

They say all good things come to an end, but no one really talks about what’s involved in the process. The endless crying (duh). The sleepless nights. The deafening silence. The thoughts that run endlessly in your head.

Our last day together, in the hospital

I should him taken him for one more walk.

I could have spent more time with him.

I would have stayed home more, if not for that stupid job in the middle of f*cking nowhere.

I wish I had one more day with him.

Indeed, a whirlpool of shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts plagued me throughout the year – even when I knew my family and I did everything we could to spoil him. Which we did. He had a great life filled with love, zoomies, and treats. As a final act of love, we put him to sleep peacefully to end the pain he was in due to the cancer cells in his body. Yet, when he passed, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I wished I’d done more of with him.

Grief and self-criticism are an awful combination.

Clark passed away on June 12, 2025. A week after my Mum’s birthday (I’m glad she got to spend it with him), but just over a month before mine. The only thing I wanted to do for my birthday was have a quiet day with him on the couch, cuddling. The very fact that I wasn’t going to get the one thing I wanted for my birthday really felt like a middle finger from the universe.

So I spent my birthday in the second-best way I knew how – ticking something off my bucket list.

I got Clark as my first tattoo

I had always wanted a tattoo, but I always delayed it because I had to be 1000% sure I’d like it forever. Clark will always be my first dog, and I will forever love him. Hence, it made sense to make him the first tattoo I ever got.

He looks divine on my leg. PS: The two marks under him are bite marks he left me on his final day on Earth (long story). I like to think it was his way of telling me where he wanted the tattoo to be, as I had previously floated the idea to him in the weeks leading up to his passing.

I got out of my head and posted TikTok content

The TikTok account had been a long time coming, and I spent months strategising and planning it before hitting ‘Post’. So much so that I barely used any of said strategy in the end.

It’s funny how much procrastination and planning you can do for something, when the actual thing that will make a difference – in this case, posting the video – is the one thing you will find a million reasons to hold off on. That was me for a very long time. I kept telling myself it had to be perfect.

In the end, I got so fed up with the whole process that I literally filmed a video before a flight. It was nothing fancy like I imagined – just me talking to the camera. No fancy lighting. Front camera on my phone. Once I finished, I quickly chopped the unnecessary bits in CapCut, then hit post before boarding my flight. None of it was what I envisioned the account or aesthetic to look like.

But once you start with one video, creating the rest of the content feels a whole lot easier. I stopped being in my head when it came to my creativity. Instead, I focused on consistency, treating content creation like a gym workout, a.k.a., just do it. Sure, I let myself play, but I set a strict time limit as I do with my workouts. Allocate 1 hour in total for filming, editing, and posting. Film the video. Edit. Post. Repeat.

From there, filming became much less daunting. Shooting b-roll of your coffee? Cool. A quick shot of me walking? Easy done. Filming myself in a onesie while you’re bedridden with COVID? Sure, why not.

What this has all taught me is that content creation is like a muscle that needs to be trained. And while there will be some changes I want to make to the account next year, I’m glad I successfully removed one of my biggest barriers to posting publicly: me and my perfectionist nature.

I competed in Hyrox, my first sporting event

Honestly, I’m still riding the high from this, despite it happening way back in early December. I used to wonder what all the hype was about with sporting events like Hyrox, Spartan and Tough Mudder. Now I understand. It’s the energy. I’m obsessed.

I started training for the big event back in August 2025, so I had enough time to work my way up to it. As someone who hadn’t done much cardio, admittedly, there were times I questioned my logic in signing up to an event that was specifically all about cardio and endurance.

Alas, I did it. And survived. Completed in 1 hour and 31.5 minutes too – not bad for a first timer. I’m excited to do it again next year and beat the time!

What’s next for 2026?

Honestly, I’m not too sure yet. Life without Clark still feels weird to me, and I’m navigating that day by day. I suspect it’s going to feel strange for a very long time.

However, what I am doing in 2026 is moving intentionally, even if it means doing things at a slower pace. In the past, I’d often come into the new year at full throttle. Considering what’s happened in 2025, I believe a gentler approach this time is best.

I’ll still be creating and exploring my creativity, which I’m very excited about. I’ll also be travelling to Japan for the first time (I put it off in 2025 to be with Clark).

For me, 2026 will be a year of reset, where I return to my roots anew. To build and live in public but move and evolve in silence.